These organizations are all dedicated to the welfare of the senior population, and all cover different ground. The three organizations named in today's post are dedicated to areas of expertise different from ones I've mentioned in previous posts. All of them will help you get started in finding out about the issues that concern your family the most. All of the organizations that I write about on Real World Aging can also
be found on the resources page of my website (jamielegon.com)...
1. Meals on Wheels http://mowaa.org Meals on Wheels is a lifesaver for many people. The elderly former butler who's a member of my health club, and a major gourmet and intellectual, absolutely raves about them – and they are a must for anyone who has difficulty getting food for themselves. They're already an institution, but just in case you don't already know...
2. National Association of Social Workers (NASW) http://www.naswdc.org With 145,000 members, NASW is the largest professional social worker organization in the world. For
the person who can remain in their home but still has various needs,
the NASW site provides, among a great deal of other relevant information, references for local care managers,
social workers, therapists, etc...
3. LeadingAge (formerly the American Association of Homes and Services) http://www.LeadingAge.org LeadingAge is a broad global network of aging
services that includes
6,000 not-for-profit organizations in the United States, 39 state
partners, and hundreds of businesses. Their easy-to-navigate website provides information and services to their members for housing, assisted living, nursing homes, home health, hospice care, senior housing and more...
The organizations that I've listed the past two posts are meant only to get you started, to find out from a broad perspective what's currently going on in the world of elder care, and help identify what needs you may have...
Visit my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my
book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father,
engage in my conversation on aging, or to contact me directly...
Friday, May 24, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
5 elder care organizations you need to know about unless you're rich (or maybe even if you are)
This group of five organizations, dedicated to the advocacy, care and protection of the elderly, are of special importance. These are the groups who not only help individuals, but also maintain a voice for the elderly that reaches all the way to Capitol Hill. Take a look at them – they could save you a lot of time in the present, and possibly, protect and defend you in the future...
AARP www.aarp.org - AARP (formerly the American Association of Retired Persons) is at the top of my list. Based in Washington D.C., AARP provides benefits, services and special products for people over age 50, from supplemental medical and long-term care insurance to discounts on prescription drugs, and a whole lot in between. They are one of the most powerful lobbying voices on behalf of elderly people in the United States and currently have almost 40,000,000 members...
The Consumer Voice http://theconsumervoice.org - If you want to know what your rights are as a long-term care consumer, you'll want to know about The Consumer Voice (formerly NCCNHR), one of the most important sources for long-term care advocacy, education and policy in the United States. Nearly 40 years old, they are a watchdog in the fight against inadequate nursing home staffing, and they constantly advocate for the rights of residents and their families...
The National Council on Aging (NCOA) http://www.ncoa.org/ I didn't know until recently that NCOA is actually the first charitable organization (founded in 1950) that provided a voice for older Americans. A nonprofit service and advocacy organization headquartered in Washington, DC., NCOA works as a kind of umbrella organization, bringing together thousands of community organizations, business, and other nonprofits in order to help seniors citizens improve their benefits, maintain good health, and remain active. They are particularly concerned with the vulnerable and the disadvantaged...
FATE (Foundation Aiding The Elderly) FATE is dedicated to protecting the elderly from abuse, as well as advocating for the reform and regulation of the laws governing the nursing home industry. They are a privately funded organization and do not charge for their services: http://www.4Fate.org
Audient http://www.audientalliance.org/ Audiology is the poor stepchild of elder care who often has to take a backseat to the omnipresent life and death issues of the elderly. But from my point of view, life without quality of life is a living death, and those who can't hear are effectively cut off from a good piece of what's going on in society. Audient is a national nonprofit hearing care alliance of hearing health care professionals, suppliers, and others whose aim is to bring quality hearing aids and related care to low-income, hearing impaired, people. My father was hearing-impaired, and I cannot express how much that issue affected his entire life, particularly at the end when his hearing was almost gone and the hearing aids he needed were too expensive for me to afford...
Check out my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging as well as other topics, or to contact me directly...
AARP www.aarp.org - AARP (formerly the American Association of Retired Persons) is at the top of my list. Based in Washington D.C., AARP provides benefits, services and special products for people over age 50, from supplemental medical and long-term care insurance to discounts on prescription drugs, and a whole lot in between. They are one of the most powerful lobbying voices on behalf of elderly people in the United States and currently have almost 40,000,000 members...
The Consumer Voice http://theconsumervoice.org - If you want to know what your rights are as a long-term care consumer, you'll want to know about The Consumer Voice (formerly NCCNHR), one of the most important sources for long-term care advocacy, education and policy in the United States. Nearly 40 years old, they are a watchdog in the fight against inadequate nursing home staffing, and they constantly advocate for the rights of residents and their families...
The National Council on Aging (NCOA) http://www.ncoa.org/ I didn't know until recently that NCOA is actually the first charitable organization (founded in 1950) that provided a voice for older Americans. A nonprofit service and advocacy organization headquartered in Washington, DC., NCOA works as a kind of umbrella organization, bringing together thousands of community organizations, business, and other nonprofits in order to help seniors citizens improve their benefits, maintain good health, and remain active. They are particularly concerned with the vulnerable and the disadvantaged...
FATE (Foundation Aiding The Elderly) FATE is dedicated to protecting the elderly from abuse, as well as advocating for the reform and regulation of the laws governing the nursing home industry. They are a privately funded organization and do not charge for their services: http://www.4Fate.org
Audient http://www.audientalliance.org/ Audiology is the poor stepchild of elder care who often has to take a backseat to the omnipresent life and death issues of the elderly. But from my point of view, life without quality of life is a living death, and those who can't hear are effectively cut off from a good piece of what's going on in society. Audient is a national nonprofit hearing care alliance of hearing health care professionals, suppliers, and others whose aim is to bring quality hearing aids and related care to low-income, hearing impaired, people. My father was hearing-impaired, and I cannot express how much that issue affected his entire life, particularly at the end when his hearing was almost gone and the hearing aids he needed were too expensive for me to afford...
Check out my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging as well as other topics, or to contact me directly...
Saturday, May 18, 2013
5 strategies to help you and your aging parents stay sane
Losing your independence is hard. I found that, at least half the time during my parent's old age, they were impatient with me when they were actually angry at themselves. Why? Because they couldn't perform at the level they had long grown used to, and they were embarrassed by it. Here's a few reminders to keep in your back pocket...
1. Never Treat Your Parents Like Children-Although it becomes easier to do as your parents age, treating them as if they need child-like supervision will backfire every time. Remember–they used to be your boss. After that, taking orders isn't so easy. Be gentle...
2. Let Them Do As Much As They Can Do- Many adult children think they're helping their parents by doing everything they can for them, but you can easily overdo it. Physical and mental activity helps older people fight problems like cognitive decline, decreased mobility/stability, and other age-related conditions...
3. Listen- Sit back and hear how they're thinking about things-their health, their routine, their fears, etc. If you have an open ear and an easy-going attitude, it'll allow your parents to open up to you on their own, without extra prodding. If they feel that they can express themselves freely, you'll get a better perspective on how to deal with their changing state(s) of mind, ...
4. Don't Be Judgmental- While you're listening, don't always try to come back with advice–it might make your parents think that you are feeling a burden to take care of them. Nobody wants to feel like they're a burden, and if you're constantly offering them advice, it could make them stop confiding in you. Be as laid-back as you can...
5. Be Patient-It was easy to be patient with my mother, a nice lady who had a good word for almost everyone. Not so with my father, who was loud, demanding, and easy-to-anger. But there's no other way–impatience just leads to unnecessary confrontations and lots of hurt feelings. And of course, your parents will be getting slower and their reaction times will naturally decrease with age anyway. It's no big deal–the only thing that counts is their safety. Let them take their time, and you should remember to take yours. They are merely the children and young people of yesteryear, and so don't forget that you're next in the aging line (if you're lucky)...
Check out my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST–Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging as well as other topics, or to contact me directly...
1. Never Treat Your Parents Like Children-Although it becomes easier to do as your parents age, treating them as if they need child-like supervision will backfire every time. Remember–they used to be your boss. After that, taking orders isn't so easy. Be gentle...
2. Let Them Do As Much As They Can Do- Many adult children think they're helping their parents by doing everything they can for them, but you can easily overdo it. Physical and mental activity helps older people fight problems like cognitive decline, decreased mobility/stability, and other age-related conditions...
3. Listen- Sit back and hear how they're thinking about things-their health, their routine, their fears, etc. If you have an open ear and an easy-going attitude, it'll allow your parents to open up to you on their own, without extra prodding. If they feel that they can express themselves freely, you'll get a better perspective on how to deal with their changing state(s) of mind, ...
4. Don't Be Judgmental- While you're listening, don't always try to come back with advice–it might make your parents think that you are feeling a burden to take care of them. Nobody wants to feel like they're a burden, and if you're constantly offering them advice, it could make them stop confiding in you. Be as laid-back as you can...
5. Be Patient-It was easy to be patient with my mother, a nice lady who had a good word for almost everyone. Not so with my father, who was loud, demanding, and easy-to-anger. But there's no other way–impatience just leads to unnecessary confrontations and lots of hurt feelings. And of course, your parents will be getting slower and their reaction times will naturally decrease with age anyway. It's no big deal–the only thing that counts is their safety. Let them take their time, and you should remember to take yours. They are merely the children and young people of yesteryear, and so don't forget that you're next in the aging line (if you're lucky)...
Check out my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST–Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging as well as other topics, or to contact me directly...
Friday, May 10, 2013
5 things to check when evaluating a nursing home for your aging parents
Putting your parents in a nursing home, assisted or skilled, is one of the most difficult things you can do. And because it's easy to let the emotionality of the situation overwhelm you, here's a few simple things that will help you get started on making up your own checklist of what you want and expect from your nursing facility:
1. THE SMELL
Don't visit nursing homes when you have a cold-you'll need to have all your senses working. If you detect the faint odor of urine or other bodily functions, run in the other direction. It usually means poor sanitary standards, possibly due to the home being understaffed. You don't want poor old Mom in a home that's short on attendants. Find out how many aides are on at any one time. Also, be aware that the use and overuse of strong disinfectants can exacerbate allergies, emphysema and other diseases of the respiratory system, particularly in the elderly. A good nursing home will have a well-maintained ventilation system, effective sanitary procedures, and air that smells (relatively) fresh and clean...
2. THE LAUNDRY
Don't laugh-this is a big deal. You wouldn't want to have the last vestiges of your parent's wardrobe manhandled or lost. Might upset old Dad, who still sees himself as fifty years-old (like my father did). For many elderly people, clothes remain a form of expression, and feeling properly dressed helps make them feel like they're still in the world. Ask whether the home does their laundry on-site, or sends it out to an industrial laundry service. Laundry services are handling dozens, if not hundreds, of clients (other homes, businesses, etc.), and trying to find a lost article of clothing, or get restitution for ruined clothes, is close to impossible. If the nursing home does their laundry on-site, they can better watch over the resident's apparel...
3. THE FOOD
When visiting a home, make sure you sample the food that they're serving that day. If you don't find it appetizing, you can bet your parents won't either. Make sure to inspect the kitchen-look at its cleanliness and be aware of the odors emanating from it. Check the upcoming menus (many homes have them planned well in advance) to see what kind of variety they provide. If you see the same items again and again, that's not a good sign. And don't be shy-ask the residents if they like the food, and if possible talk to other adult children who might be there. The diet your parents are served will affect their mood, their physical conditions and maybe even your own life...
4. SECURITY
This is, of course, especially important for people whose parents have dementia, Alzheimer's disease or are otherwise cognitively impaired. But unless you're a security expert and can evaluate their system (yeah, right) the real key is having attentive staff and good 24/7 management. Knowing the home's daily schedule should give you an idea of how and when their shift changes happen. It's often during the shift changes that "accidents" occur...
5. REFERENCES FROM REAL PEOPLE
Don't be shy. Try to talk to people who might also be visiting while you're there. The nursing home will give you a billion references, but don't bother with them. Those are references that have been carefully culled from their client list. It's better to search the Internet and see what, if anything has been written about them. Don't just go with your gut instinct, make sure you do your research...
Success is relative, and greatly depends on what conditions your parents are dealing with-no complaints from them means fewer sleepless nights for you, and that alone will constitute a certain measure of success. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions to these problems. Everyone has a different set of needs and desires, and only you can determine for yourself and your parent(s) what is the best course of action...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging, or contact me directly...
1. THE SMELL
Don't visit nursing homes when you have a cold-you'll need to have all your senses working. If you detect the faint odor of urine or other bodily functions, run in the other direction. It usually means poor sanitary standards, possibly due to the home being understaffed. You don't want poor old Mom in a home that's short on attendants. Find out how many aides are on at any one time. Also, be aware that the use and overuse of strong disinfectants can exacerbate allergies, emphysema and other diseases of the respiratory system, particularly in the elderly. A good nursing home will have a well-maintained ventilation system, effective sanitary procedures, and air that smells (relatively) fresh and clean...
2. THE LAUNDRY
Don't laugh-this is a big deal. You wouldn't want to have the last vestiges of your parent's wardrobe manhandled or lost. Might upset old Dad, who still sees himself as fifty years-old (like my father did). For many elderly people, clothes remain a form of expression, and feeling properly dressed helps make them feel like they're still in the world. Ask whether the home does their laundry on-site, or sends it out to an industrial laundry service. Laundry services are handling dozens, if not hundreds, of clients (other homes, businesses, etc.), and trying to find a lost article of clothing, or get restitution for ruined clothes, is close to impossible. If the nursing home does their laundry on-site, they can better watch over the resident's apparel...
3. THE FOOD
When visiting a home, make sure you sample the food that they're serving that day. If you don't find it appetizing, you can bet your parents won't either. Make sure to inspect the kitchen-look at its cleanliness and be aware of the odors emanating from it. Check the upcoming menus (many homes have them planned well in advance) to see what kind of variety they provide. If you see the same items again and again, that's not a good sign. And don't be shy-ask the residents if they like the food, and if possible talk to other adult children who might be there. The diet your parents are served will affect their mood, their physical conditions and maybe even your own life...
4. SECURITY
This is, of course, especially important for people whose parents have dementia, Alzheimer's disease or are otherwise cognitively impaired. But unless you're a security expert and can evaluate their system (yeah, right) the real key is having attentive staff and good 24/7 management. Knowing the home's daily schedule should give you an idea of how and when their shift changes happen. It's often during the shift changes that "accidents" occur...
5. REFERENCES FROM REAL PEOPLE
Don't be shy. Try to talk to people who might also be visiting while you're there. The nursing home will give you a billion references, but don't bother with them. Those are references that have been carefully culled from their client list. It's better to search the Internet and see what, if anything has been written about them. Don't just go with your gut instinct, make sure you do your research...
Success is relative, and greatly depends on what conditions your parents are dealing with-no complaints from them means fewer sleepless nights for you, and that alone will constitute a certain measure of success. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions to these problems. Everyone has a different set of needs and desires, and only you can determine for yourself and your parent(s) what is the best course of action...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging, or contact me directly...
Sunday, May 5, 2013
The older father...
I've been a full-time father and primary caregiver for the past thirteen years. I was almost 48 when I had my son, and by that time in my life I
didn't want to miss a minute of it. Work no longer had any meaning for me, and though I didn't really have enough money, I decided to cut back on my work schedule anyway. Having a child was, for me, the most profound experience of my profligate Hollywood life, and the first and only event that gave it any meaning. Little else in my life before him had any
resonance at all...
So... here I am. I've spent a large portion of what I thought were my "savings" to bring him up the best way I possibly could, and tried to give him all the things that I thought (fingers crossed) would help him reach his maximum potential. I'd often made choices in life for other-than-financial reasons, and I optimistically thought everything would somehow just work out. But I didn't count on 9/11, the Great Recession, or the death and retirement of almost every production client that I had...
I don't have any regrets. Having a child is, without a doubt, the most important, insightful, joyous, loving and charming thing that I've ever done or ever will do. But I'm deeply afraid of becoming a burden to my son in my old age...
I'm pretty worried, and frankly, who wouldn't be? I was ridiculously naive-the cost of living and raising a child has been so far beyond my estimates that it's laughable. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, wondering what will happen to my family and I in my rapidly approaching old age. I'm almost a senior citizen with a thirteen year-old son, and I haven't made a significant amount of money in over 5 years...
In the end, it doesn't matter. The only thing that really matters is the welfare of the young man who, seemingly, went to sleep the night before as the little boy who called for his daddy but woke up in the morning taller than his 5'7"mother. Given how fast it's going, I think that the time I've spent with my son is far more valuable than any amount of money I might have made. My particular job would have taken me away for weeks and months at a time, and deprived of me of the only thing I ever really cared about. That's why I did it the way I did it, and quite honestly, I'd do it all over again...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, follow my blogs, or to contact me directly...
So... here I am. I've spent a large portion of what I thought were my "savings" to bring him up the best way I possibly could, and tried to give him all the things that I thought (fingers crossed) would help him reach his maximum potential. I'd often made choices in life for other-than-financial reasons, and I optimistically thought everything would somehow just work out. But I didn't count on 9/11, the Great Recession, or the death and retirement of almost every production client that I had...
I don't have any regrets. Having a child is, without a doubt, the most important, insightful, joyous, loving and charming thing that I've ever done or ever will do. But I'm deeply afraid of becoming a burden to my son in my old age...
I'm pretty worried, and frankly, who wouldn't be? I was ridiculously naive-the cost of living and raising a child has been so far beyond my estimates that it's laughable. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, wondering what will happen to my family and I in my rapidly approaching old age. I'm almost a senior citizen with a thirteen year-old son, and I haven't made a significant amount of money in over 5 years...
In the end, it doesn't matter. The only thing that really matters is the welfare of the young man who, seemingly, went to sleep the night before as the little boy who called for his daddy but woke up in the morning taller than his 5'7"mother. Given how fast it's going, I think that the time I've spent with my son is far more valuable than any amount of money I might have made. My particular job would have taken me away for weeks and months at a time, and deprived of me of the only thing I ever really cared about. That's why I did it the way I did it, and quite honestly, I'd do it all over again...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, follow my blogs, or to contact me directly...
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Talking about money...
One of the biggest mistakes I made was in not forcing my parents to talk about their finances. The clues were there but I chose to ignore them. My parents had already, on several different occasions, asked my brother, Gary, and I for money. Whenever we asked what they needed it for, they wouldn't tell us. "If you have to know what it's for, then forget it" they said, "We don't want the money." We gave it to them anyway, hoping that whatever problems they had would somehow go away. We didn't want to deal with it-my brother had a wife battling cancer and his work, and I was in production all the time while engaged in my bachelor social life...
While it's not abnormal for parents to continue the lifelong habit of shielding unpleasant or embarrassing information about themselves from their children, it is still severely counterproductive when parents withhold information from children trying to assist them in planning for old age. Caring for aging parents takes a village-children, friends, relatives and professional caregivers- who all play a part in nurturing and protecting those who can no longer care for themselves. But it's really difficult when the people who need help don't want it, and who also happen to be your parents...
After my mother's death, my brother and I went over their accounts and discovered that they had been using one credit card to pay for another, using over 30 cards in all to keep themselves afloat. It was a disaster-they were over $230,000 in debt and my father was forced to declare bankruptcy. It was incredibly painful for him because, after a lifetime of working and making money, declaring bankruptcy represented an attack on his own sense of self-worth. Sadly, none of it had to happen the way it ultimately unfolded...
Much of this occurred during a period when Gary and I weren't on speaking terms, and I think that if we had been talking, we might have helped each other to more clearly see the warning signs and avoid the tangled mess that emerged after my mother's passing. Acting in concert would have made it much that much harder for my parents to hide anything...
But there's only so much anyone, even the caring child, can do...
I often find myself writing about the mistakes that I've made. Some people have told me that it sounds negative to them, but I think that they are missing the point. The fundamental truth is that if we can't be brutally honest with ourselves about our own mistakes, then how can we ever hope to improve on them? Positive thinking is great, but honesty about our own behaviors, good, bad and indifferent, is even better...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, follow my blogs, or to contact me directly...
While it's not abnormal for parents to continue the lifelong habit of shielding unpleasant or embarrassing information about themselves from their children, it is still severely counterproductive when parents withhold information from children trying to assist them in planning for old age. Caring for aging parents takes a village-children, friends, relatives and professional caregivers- who all play a part in nurturing and protecting those who can no longer care for themselves. But it's really difficult when the people who need help don't want it, and who also happen to be your parents...
After my mother's death, my brother and I went over their accounts and discovered that they had been using one credit card to pay for another, using over 30 cards in all to keep themselves afloat. It was a disaster-they were over $230,000 in debt and my father was forced to declare bankruptcy. It was incredibly painful for him because, after a lifetime of working and making money, declaring bankruptcy represented an attack on his own sense of self-worth. Sadly, none of it had to happen the way it ultimately unfolded...
Much of this occurred during a period when Gary and I weren't on speaking terms, and I think that if we had been talking, we might have helped each other to more clearly see the warning signs and avoid the tangled mess that emerged after my mother's passing. Acting in concert would have made it much that much harder for my parents to hide anything...
But there's only so much anyone, even the caring child, can do...
I often find myself writing about the mistakes that I've made. Some people have told me that it sounds negative to them, but I think that they are missing the point. The fundamental truth is that if we can't be brutally honest with ourselves about our own mistakes, then how can we ever hope to improve on them? Positive thinking is great, but honesty about our own behaviors, good, bad and indifferent, is even better...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, follow my blogs, or to contact me directly...
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