Losing your independence is hard. I found that, at least half the time during my parent's old age, they were impatient with me when they were actually angry at themselves. Why? Because they couldn't perform at the level they had long grown used to, and they were embarrassed by it. Here's a few reminders to keep in your back pocket...
1. Never Treat Your Parents Like Children-Although it becomes easier to do as your parents age, treating them as if they need child-like supervision will backfire every time. Remember–they used to be your boss. After that, taking orders isn't so easy. Be gentle...
2. Let Them Do As Much As They Can Do- Many adult children think they're helping their parents by doing everything they can for them, but you can easily overdo it. Physical and mental activity helps older people fight problems like cognitive decline, decreased mobility/stability, and other age-related conditions...
3. Listen- Sit back and hear how they're thinking about things-their health, their routine, their fears, etc. If you have an open ear and an easy-going attitude, it'll allow your parents to open up to you on their own, without extra prodding. If they feel that they can express themselves freely, you'll get a better perspective on how to deal with their changing state(s) of mind, ...
4. Don't Be Judgmental- While you're listening, don't always try to come back with advice–it might make your parents think that you are feeling a burden to take care of them. Nobody wants to feel like they're a burden, and if you're constantly offering them advice, it could make them stop confiding in you. Be as laid-back as you can...
5. Be Patient-It was easy to be patient with my mother, a nice lady who had a good word for almost everyone. Not so with my father, who was loud, demanding, and easy-to-anger. But there's no other way–impatience just leads to unnecessary confrontations and lots of hurt feelings. And of course, your parents will be getting slower and their reaction times will naturally decrease with age anyway. It's no big deal–the only thing that counts is their safety. Let them take their time, and you should remember to take yours. They are merely the children and young people of yesteryear, and so don't forget that you're next in the aging line (if you're lucky)...
Check out my website at http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST–Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging as well as other topics, or to contact me directly...
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