Putting your parents in a nursing home, assisted or skilled, is one of the most difficult things you can do. And because it's easy to let the emotionality of the situation overwhelm you, here's a few simple things that will help you get started on making up your own checklist of what you want and expect from your nursing facility:
1. THE SMELL
Don't visit nursing homes when you have a cold-you'll need to have all your senses working. If you detect the faint odor of urine or other bodily functions, run in the other direction. It usually means poor sanitary standards, possibly due to the home being understaffed. You don't want poor old Mom in a home that's short on attendants. Find out how many aides are on at any one time. Also, be aware that the use and overuse of strong disinfectants can exacerbate allergies, emphysema and other diseases of the respiratory system, particularly in the elderly. A good nursing home will have a well-maintained ventilation system, effective sanitary procedures, and air that smells (relatively) fresh and clean...
2. THE LAUNDRY
Don't laugh-this is a big deal. You wouldn't want to have the last vestiges of your parent's wardrobe manhandled or lost. Might upset old Dad, who still sees himself as fifty years-old (like my father did). For many elderly people, clothes remain a form of expression, and feeling properly dressed helps make them feel like they're still in the world. Ask whether the home does their laundry on-site, or sends it out to an industrial laundry service. Laundry services are handling dozens, if not hundreds, of clients (other homes, businesses, etc.), and trying to find a lost article of clothing, or get restitution for ruined clothes, is close to impossible. If the nursing home does their laundry on-site, they can better watch over the resident's apparel...
3. THE FOOD
When visiting a home, make sure you sample the food that they're serving that day. If you don't find it appetizing, you can bet your parents won't either. Make sure to inspect the kitchen-look at its cleanliness and be aware of the odors emanating from it. Check the upcoming menus (many homes have them planned well in advance) to see what kind of variety they provide. If you see the same items again and again, that's not a good sign. And don't be shy-ask the residents if they like the food, and if possible talk to other adult children who might be there. The diet your parents are served will affect their mood, their physical conditions and maybe even your own life...
4. SECURITY
This is, of course, especially important for people whose parents have dementia, Alzheimer's disease or are otherwise cognitively impaired. But unless you're a security expert and can evaluate their system (yeah, right) the real key is having attentive staff and good 24/7 management. Knowing the home's daily schedule should give you an idea of how and when their shift changes happen. It's often during the shift changes that "accidents" occur...
5. REFERENCES FROM REAL PEOPLE
Don't be shy. Try to talk to people who might also be visiting while you're there. The nursing home will give you a billion references, but don't bother with them. Those are references that have been carefully culled from their client list. It's better to search the Internet and see what, if anything has been written about them. Don't just go with your gut instinct, make sure you do your research...
Success is relative, and greatly depends on what conditions your parents are dealing with-no complaints from them means fewer sleepless nights for you, and that alone will constitute a certain measure of success. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions to these problems. Everyone has a different set of needs and desires, and only you can determine for yourself and your parent(s) what is the best course of action...
Check out my website: http://www.jamielegon.com to see an excerpt from my book FEET FIRST-Riding the Elder Care Rollercoaster with My Father, engage in my conversation on aging, or contact me directly...
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